This is the first of a three-part series of articles introducing an approach to changing teenager's behavior.
I've been a child psychologist for twenty-seven years. During that time, I've evolved a system for dealing with children. It involves some basic reinforcement strategies, but it also has some new ideas. People tell me they want the nuts and bolts or, "How To's" about various subjects and they want it fast. So, here's my "to the point" version of how to change teenager's behavior. This and many subsequent articles will explore teenager various subjects, but first there needs to occur a discussion of some introductory terms.
The first one is Reinforcer. A reinforcer is anything that follows a
behavior that either increases or decreases some aspect of the behavior.
I write about three kinds of reinforcers. The first kind is a positive reinforcer. Ever get a dollar for studying? Ever get a dollar for each night you studied? The dollar is the reinforcer because it reinforces (in this case encourages or increases) the behavior studying). The dollar is a positive reward because it is pleasant. When it follows a behavior, the behavior gets associated with the positive reinforcer and voila! We see more of the behavior. In short, a positive reinforcer increases either the frequency or intensity of the behavior it follows. You want many potential positive reinforcers when selecting teen behaviors to change.
The second kind of reinforcer is punishment. We all know about
punishment. This is an aversive reinforcer. Follow a behavior with
punishment and you get less of the behavior in the future. Ever get grounded because you watched TV instead of studying? Then you got an "F" and got grounded some more? Getting grounded is the punishment and it slowed down the TV watching. Getting grounded is unpleasant and probably took the fun out of not studying and getting a crummy grade. Notice I didn't say that punishment is a negative reinforcer.
The third kind, or a negative reinforcer, actually increases positive
behavior by not having a punishment occur. I'll explain. You think you're going to get punished if you get an "F" in a class. But instead, your parents give you a second chance but warn you that if you actually get an "F," you will get punished later. You breathe a sigh of relief and start studying! You didn't get punished and it increased a positive behavior (studying)! It increased the frequency of studying (more often) and the intensity (studying harder to avoid the "F").
Another term is Contingency. This has to do with the qualities or
aspects of the reinforcers. There are three contingencies of reinforcers
that I use. These are the important ones; the ones that most quickly
produce changes in behavior.
The first contingency is immediacy. It means how soon the reward
occurs after the behavior. It's best to reward a behavior right away.
Don't wait. The sooner the reward follows the behavior the better and the more likely the reward will positively change the behavior (in this case increase the quantity or quality of the behaviors). The longer you wait to present the reward after a (good) behavior, the less strength the reward will have to change the behavior, to motivate the person to repeat the quality or quantity of the good behavior. In real life you might miss a few chances to reward a good behavior, but try your best to do it every time. That's the goal, even though it's not going to happen that way all the time. The same applies to both punishment and to negative reinforcers. Apply them right away!
The second contingency is consistency. This has to do with how often
the reward occurs after the behavior. Try to present the reward every time you see the positive behavior, not every other time or every third time. The more consistent you present the reward following a good behavior, the better. Get as close to "every time" as possible, and that will be good enough. Again, the ideal is to do this every time, but real life gets in the way, so do the best you can. And again, the same applies to punishments and negative reinforcers.
The third contingency is constancy. This just means how big or little, important or unimportant, significant or insignificant the reinforcers are. It's really about the magnitude of the reinforcer. Giving kids a nickel after cleaning up their rooms is a small magnitude (yet positive) reinforcer. Taking them to Disneyland for doing the same thing is a huge reward, hence has a great magnitude. The idea is to present a positive reward following a good behavior that has approximately the same magnitude each time. Try to not vary the magnitude of the reinforcers too much or teens will start expecting the bigger magnitude
rewards and won't change their behaviors for the little ones. Again, constancy applies to punishments and negative reinforcers.
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
What To Do First When Changing Teenager's Behavior-Part III
This is the third in a three-part series of articles. Please read
the first two and have your list of behaviors handy before reading this
article.
To continue, these are some of the many complaints and categories I
hear about from parents. There are a lot more categories and infinitely
more negative behaviors to be put in the right column. All have a
positive opposite variant that goes in the left column.
Now, what do you do with "the list?" First, we're mostly going to
work with the list on the left side. Rank order the list; that is, think
about which of these positive behaviors you most want or is most important.
Or, you can look at the list on the right side and pick those negative
behaviors that you really want to "go away." Either will tell you which
of the many behaviors in either column are most important. Figure out
which behavior is number one and rank it accordingly (put a "1" next to it...).
Choose another to be number two; that is, which behavior is not quite as
important as the number one behavior, but presumably is still important
enough to be number two. Work your way down the page, creating a ranked or prioritized list, ending with the positive behavior that is still positive, but relatively speaking, least important.
Remember the terms first described in previous articles? Go back and re-read the definition of "Reinforcer." What we're going to do is start "reinforcing" only the positive behaviors, starting with the top three that you prioritized in the left column. When I say reinforce, I mean to provide a positive experience or reward after you see the positive behavior. Right about here some parents say, "I don't see any positive behavior--that's the problem!" I know, I know. But in actuality, there are always some positive behaviors to work with. Parents are usually so frustrated they don't admit it. If you don't see the full-blown behavior, don't worry. Go back and review the meaning of the term "Shaping," also described in a previous article. What you want to do is positively reinforce only the positive behavior, or its' precursor; that is, the very beginnings of the behaviors, to start training your teenager to eventually produce the full-blown behavior. Here's an example. Let's use yelling again. When you see your teen talking quietly, you're going to provide some positive reward. S/he never stops yelling? Not likely, even though it sometimes seems like this is the case. Sooner or later every person, no matter how young or old will
wind down and actually speak in civil tones at a respectable volume. It might take a week, but watch and be patient. When s/he does, you got 'em! (Chance favors the prepared mind...) Your job is to be ready and reinforce the behavior with something positive. From another previous article, re-read the description of "Contingencies." We want to be very aware of your teen's first attempts at good behaviors, then present some kind of reward--right away (immediacy), to do it every time (consistency) and with the same kind of reinforcer each time (constancy). Start with small examples of the positive behavior and keep at it.
Now, what will work as a positive reinforcer? Usually this should be a compliment, or hug, or touch. For very immature twelve year olds, you can also use a sticker or star and place it on a chart. This ebook is not about younger kids; so, if this is your situation, refer to my other ebook, How To Change Children's Behavior (Quickly). For most teenagers, the rewards will have to be different, because they are no longer younger children. The idea is to figure out what is positive for your teenager and deliver that after you see a good behavior. You can do this in a classical conditioning sense; that is, by telling your teen, "If you do this, you will get this," then delivering the reward as promised, right away (immediacy), every time (consistency) and with the same kind of reward (constancy). Your teenager knows what's coming because you set up a positive expectation and then you deliver. Classical conditioning! Pretty soon you promise and your teen changes the behavior without yet getting the reward (in anticipation), just like Pavlov's dog began to salivate in anticipation of the meat powder when Pavlov rang the bell beforehand. I know we're not animals, but the principles work with everyone--you promise, they change behavior, you provide the reward.
Or, you can apply the same principles without forewarning, just after the behaviors have occurred. This is when you look for one or more little behaviors that are in the right direction and then apply the reinforcers as described above under "contingencies" (immediately, consistently and constantly). Again, because it's not foreshadowed and occurs in real life (outside of the Pavlov's laboratory), it's called operant conditioning--same reinforcement principles, different venue, no experimenter in a white coat.
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
the first two and have your list of behaviors handy before reading this
article.
To continue, these are some of the many complaints and categories I
hear about from parents. There are a lot more categories and infinitely
more negative behaviors to be put in the right column. All have a
positive opposite variant that goes in the left column.
Now, what do you do with "the list?" First, we're mostly going to
work with the list on the left side. Rank order the list; that is, think
about which of these positive behaviors you most want or is most important.
Or, you can look at the list on the right side and pick those negative
behaviors that you really want to "go away." Either will tell you which
of the many behaviors in either column are most important. Figure out
which behavior is number one and rank it accordingly (put a "1" next to it...).
Choose another to be number two; that is, which behavior is not quite as
important as the number one behavior, but presumably is still important
enough to be number two. Work your way down the page, creating a ranked or prioritized list, ending with the positive behavior that is still positive, but relatively speaking, least important.
Remember the terms first described in previous articles? Go back and re-read the definition of "Reinforcer." What we're going to do is start "reinforcing" only the positive behaviors, starting with the top three that you prioritized in the left column. When I say reinforce, I mean to provide a positive experience or reward after you see the positive behavior. Right about here some parents say, "I don't see any positive behavior--that's the problem!" I know, I know. But in actuality, there are always some positive behaviors to work with. Parents are usually so frustrated they don't admit it. If you don't see the full-blown behavior, don't worry. Go back and review the meaning of the term "Shaping," also described in a previous article. What you want to do is positively reinforce only the positive behavior, or its' precursor; that is, the very beginnings of the behaviors, to start training your teenager to eventually produce the full-blown behavior. Here's an example. Let's use yelling again. When you see your teen talking quietly, you're going to provide some positive reward. S/he never stops yelling? Not likely, even though it sometimes seems like this is the case. Sooner or later every person, no matter how young or old will
wind down and actually speak in civil tones at a respectable volume. It might take a week, but watch and be patient. When s/he does, you got 'em! (Chance favors the prepared mind...) Your job is to be ready and reinforce the behavior with something positive. From another previous article, re-read the description of "Contingencies." We want to be very aware of your teen's first attempts at good behaviors, then present some kind of reward--right away (immediacy), to do it every time (consistency) and with the same kind of reinforcer each time (constancy). Start with small examples of the positive behavior and keep at it.
Now, what will work as a positive reinforcer? Usually this should be a compliment, or hug, or touch. For very immature twelve year olds, you can also use a sticker or star and place it on a chart. This ebook is not about younger kids; so, if this is your situation, refer to my other ebook, How To Change Children's Behavior (Quickly). For most teenagers, the rewards will have to be different, because they are no longer younger children. The idea is to figure out what is positive for your teenager and deliver that after you see a good behavior. You can do this in a classical conditioning sense; that is, by telling your teen, "If you do this, you will get this," then delivering the reward as promised, right away (immediacy), every time (consistency) and with the same kind of reward (constancy). Your teenager knows what's coming because you set up a positive expectation and then you deliver. Classical conditioning! Pretty soon you promise and your teen changes the behavior without yet getting the reward (in anticipation), just like Pavlov's dog began to salivate in anticipation of the meat powder when Pavlov rang the bell beforehand. I know we're not animals, but the principles work with everyone--you promise, they change behavior, you provide the reward.
Or, you can apply the same principles without forewarning, just after the behaviors have occurred. This is when you look for one or more little behaviors that are in the right direction and then apply the reinforcers as described above under "contingencies" (immediately, consistently and constantly). Again, because it's not foreshadowed and occurs in real life (outside of the Pavlov's laboratory), it's called operant conditioning--same reinforcement principles, different venue, no experimenter in a white coat.
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
What To Do First When Changing Teenager's Behavior--Part II
This is part II of a three part series on What To Do First When Changing
Teenager's Behavior. Please read the first article before tackling this
one.
What To Do First When Changing Teen's Behaviors-Part II
Here are some examples to help out.
Positive (+) Behaviors Negative (-) Behaviors
Talks Quietly Yelling
Cleans room Doesn't clean room
Cooperates Doesn't obey (Defiance)
Listens Ignore me or talks back
Acknowledges what I say Disrespectful (might be too
general, So...
break it down)
-Talks with respectful tone
-Talks to communicate
-Talks genuinely
Sits quietly Runs around too much (Hyper)
Tells the truth Lies
Communicates clearly Verbally manipulates (too
general)
-Talks about things
directly
-Articulates what's really
on his or her mind
-Means what is said
Communicates assertively Whines
-Uses a normal or pleasant
tone of voice
Compliments others Critical of others
-Accepts others' viewpoints
Studies Plays too many electronic games
-Reads
-Spends time with family members
Earns good grades Poor grades
Respects property Destroys things
-Treats things nicely
-Repairs broken objects
Uses words to solve conflicts Physical fighting
-Talks in a calm voice
-Uses reasoning vs. acting out
Waits, thinks, then behaves Impulsivity
Stays focused Distractible
Uses civilized language Curses
Initiates things on own Lazy (might be too general)
-Stays organized
-Finishes projects
-Stays focused
-Initiates activity
Manages mood Temper tantrums
-Gives self a time out
-Stays calmer when stressed
Thinks of others first Selfish
Does things quicker Dawdling
Tells the truth Isn't trustworthy
(too general)
-Does what he or she says
will be done
Comes home on time Ignores curfews
These are some of the many complaints and categories I hear about from parents. There are a lot more categories and infinitely more negative behaviors to be put in the right column. All have a positive opposite variant that goes in the left column.
Now, what do you do with "the list?" First, we're mostly going to
work with the list on the left side. Rank order the list; that is, think
about which of these positive behaviors you most want or is most important. Or, you can look at the list on the right side and pick those negative behaviors that you really want to "go away." Either will tell you which of the many behaviors in either column are most important. Figure out which behavior is number one and rank it accordingly (put a "1" next to it...). Choose another to be number two; that is, which behavior is not quite as important as the number one behavior, but presumably is still important enough to be number two. Work your way down the page, creating a ranked or prioritized list, ending with the positive behavior that is still positive, but relatively speaking, least important.
In the next article, I'll explain more about this process..
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
Teenager's Behavior. Please read the first article before tackling this
one.
What To Do First When Changing Teen's Behaviors-Part II
Here are some examples to help out.
Positive (+) Behaviors Negative (-) Behaviors
Talks Quietly Yelling
Cleans room Doesn't clean room
Cooperates Doesn't obey (Defiance)
Listens Ignore me or talks back
Acknowledges what I say Disrespectful (might be too
general, So...
break it down)
-Talks with respectful tone
-Talks to communicate
-Talks genuinely
Sits quietly Runs around too much (Hyper)
Tells the truth Lies
Communicates clearly Verbally manipulates (too
general)
-Talks about things
directly
-Articulates what's really
on his or her mind
-Means what is said
Communicates assertively Whines
-Uses a normal or pleasant
tone of voice
Compliments others Critical of others
-Accepts others' viewpoints
Studies Plays too many electronic games
-Reads
-Spends time with family members
Earns good grades Poor grades
Respects property Destroys things
-Treats things nicely
-Repairs broken objects
Uses words to solve conflicts Physical fighting
-Talks in a calm voice
-Uses reasoning vs. acting out
Waits, thinks, then behaves Impulsivity
Stays focused Distractible
Uses civilized language Curses
Initiates things on own Lazy (might be too general)
-Stays organized
-Finishes projects
-Stays focused
-Initiates activity
Manages mood Temper tantrums
-Gives self a time out
-Stays calmer when stressed
Thinks of others first Selfish
Does things quicker Dawdling
Tells the truth Isn't trustworthy
(too general)
-Does what he or she says
will be done
Comes home on time Ignores curfews
These are some of the many complaints and categories I hear about from parents. There are a lot more categories and infinitely more negative behaviors to be put in the right column. All have a positive opposite variant that goes in the left column.
Now, what do you do with "the list?" First, we're mostly going to
work with the list on the left side. Rank order the list; that is, think
about which of these positive behaviors you most want or is most important. Or, you can look at the list on the right side and pick those negative behaviors that you really want to "go away." Either will tell you which of the many behaviors in either column are most important. Figure out which behavior is number one and rank it accordingly (put a "1" next to it...). Choose another to be number two; that is, which behavior is not quite as important as the number one behavior, but presumably is still important enough to be number two. Work your way down the page, creating a ranked or prioritized list, ending with the positive behavior that is still positive, but relatively speaking, least important.
In the next article, I'll explain more about this process..
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
What To Do First When Changing Teen's Behaviors-Part I
I've been a child psychologist for twenty-seven years. I also work with younger children, but the principles are the same for changing behaviors. But first, there needs to be a little preparation.
Here's an exercise and a description of thes process that we can
use to change teenager's behaviors. Take a sheet of typing paper and
draw a line down the center, separating it into two vertical columns.
On the top of the right column, write "Negative Behaviors." These are
behaviors you don't like in your teen and want to change. In the right
column, on each line, write down one negative behavior. Take your time
and think about each behavior. Try to be specific. Put only one
behavior on each line. You could have only three, or fifty-three lines,
but each line has only one separate behavior. When you have finished,
we'll work with the left column. Take your time and think only about
the right column--only negative behaviors. Try to pick concrete, real
time examples, like "yells," "leaves a mess," etc. Stay away from bigger,
less clear behaviors like, "isn't trustworthy," "is depressed," etc.
Don't go on until this part is done.
Now, in the left column, put the opposite of each negative behavior
BUT first read this paragraph before you do. Most people put the word
"not" in front of the negative behavior listed in the right column when
they consider what to put in the left column. For example if the
negative behavior in the right column is "yelling," then "not yelling"
seems like the opposite behavior to put in the left column. But wait a
minute! Not yelling is not really a good behavior. It is the absence of
a bad behavior. It could be sleeping, which technically, is not yelling. But from this too-general-a-perspective, sleeping might be considered the opposite of lots of behaviors,
not just yelling. I'm looking for a specific, real time, present and
positive behavior that still is the opposite of the negative behavior in the right column, in this case, "yelling." I want to find a concrete behavior that is positive yet incompatible with yelling. That behavior is something like "talks quietly" or "talks normally." It has to be the opposite of "yelling" but also a real behavior--a positive, present behavior, not the absence of some negative behavior (yelling). This is the behavior to put in the left column.
This point is crucial and should be kept in mind as you go down the
page, converting each of the negative behaviors in the right column into
the opposite (but present and positive) behaviors in the left column.
Convert each behavior like this until you finish the list and have an
entry in both columns. The more specific and concrete the behaviors
are in the right column, the easier it will be to find the positive
opposite behavior to put in the left column. If the concepts are too
big in the right column (like "isn't trustworthy") then break the behavior down into its component parts until it is simpler. Then, it will be easy to pick the opposite positive variant.
Now, go on to the next article...
--Dr.Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
Here's an exercise and a description of thes process that we can
use to change teenager's behaviors. Take a sheet of typing paper and
draw a line down the center, separating it into two vertical columns.
On the top of the right column, write "Negative Behaviors." These are
behaviors you don't like in your teen and want to change. In the right
column, on each line, write down one negative behavior. Take your time
and think about each behavior. Try to be specific. Put only one
behavior on each line. You could have only three, or fifty-three lines,
but each line has only one separate behavior. When you have finished,
we'll work with the left column. Take your time and think only about
the right column--only negative behaviors. Try to pick concrete, real
time examples, like "yells," "leaves a mess," etc. Stay away from bigger,
less clear behaviors like, "isn't trustworthy," "is depressed," etc.
Don't go on until this part is done.
Now, in the left column, put the opposite of each negative behavior
BUT first read this paragraph before you do. Most people put the word
"not" in front of the negative behavior listed in the right column when
they consider what to put in the left column. For example if the
negative behavior in the right column is "yelling," then "not yelling"
seems like the opposite behavior to put in the left column. But wait a
minute! Not yelling is not really a good behavior. It is the absence of
a bad behavior. It could be sleeping, which technically, is not yelling. But from this too-general-a-perspective, sleeping might be considered the opposite of lots of behaviors,
not just yelling. I'm looking for a specific, real time, present and
positive behavior that still is the opposite of the negative behavior in the right column, in this case, "yelling." I want to find a concrete behavior that is positive yet incompatible with yelling. That behavior is something like "talks quietly" or "talks normally." It has to be the opposite of "yelling" but also a real behavior--a positive, present behavior, not the absence of some negative behavior (yelling). This is the behavior to put in the left column.
This point is crucial and should be kept in mind as you go down the
page, converting each of the negative behaviors in the right column into
the opposite (but present and positive) behaviors in the left column.
Convert each behavior like this until you finish the list and have an
entry in both columns. The more specific and concrete the behaviors
are in the right column, the easier it will be to find the positive
opposite behavior to put in the left column. If the concepts are too
big in the right column (like "isn't trustworthy") then break the behavior down into its component parts until it is simpler. Then, it will be easy to pick the opposite positive variant.
Now, go on to the next article...
--Dr.Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page18.html
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Psychology of Guilt—Part III
This is the third in a three-part series of articles on the psychology of guilt. Please read the previous two articles first.
In guilt dynamics, there are only two patterns of thinking or behaving—rectifying something you did not do or rectifying something you erroneously did do. Either way you are stuck. In general, this is a no-win experience for the recipient. This is the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario. In general, if we conform to the speaker’s manipulations, we have stuffed our anger and failed to be assertive. We feel crummy (anxiety on the surface, resentment underneath) and reinforce the guilt-inducing behaviors by not dealing with it directly. If we counter-manipulate at the level of the manipulation, we will have an argument and be further criticized by the speaker, again at the same level using the same standards, which in this case we are bucking. If we fail to respond; that is, do nothing, we are burdened with unresolved negative feelings. Strike three—you’re out!
I think of guilt as being on a continuum from the more local to the more global. Guilt can be induced by small events, like not coming home at curfew, especially if you happen to be a teenager. Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, one can have “life guilt,” like Catholics and other Christians who were born in original sin.
“If you’re born on this world, you’re guilty, period. Screw you, end of report, next case. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.”--George Carlin
From that point of view, humans are in a sorry state right out of the starting gate, and they didn’t even do anything, personally. The causes of guilt are failures in behavior, if viewed from legal, sociological or psychological perspectives, or sins, if viewed from a religious point of view. Both in the legal and religious arenas, there are lesser and greater transgressions. Thus, in law we have misdemeanors (petty theft, jaywalking) vs. felonies (burglary, assault). In Catholicism, there are intermediary “sins.” These are the venial sins. Then, there are the big ones, called mortal sins. (Catholics are my best customers because of all that guilt).
Guilt is intensified if the perception is that by our behavior, we have caused harm to another. Thus, getting drunk and running a stoplight causes us to crash into another’s car, which causes considerable harm to the other driver and car. However, guilt is diminished if there is no harm caused or if I don’t get caught. Consider this scenario. It is three in the morning, and I’m driving home on an old country road. I come to an intersection with a four-way stop, and there is no one around for miles. I slow down but don’t stop; instead, coast through the intersection after looking in all directions. Did I do something wrong? I didn’t hurt anyone and no one was there to remind me of the law, which I clearly knew; therefore, my driving must be OK.
To find the cause of guilt, I have to recognize that I have violated some standard of thinking, feeling or behaving. If I don’t appreciate or even know of the standard(s), then I don’t feel guilt. If I do, then I have a problem, mostly how to deal with my ambivalence. Ambivalence? Yes. Guilt, like procrastination and the inability to forgive are the three major forms of ambivalence. (An example of a minor form of ambivalence would be simple indecision, say at a restaurant, having trouble deciding which entrée is more appealing. Distrust can be a form of ambivalence, but some forms of distrust can just be distrust without ambivalence.)
This is really an article on ambivalence because guilt is one of three major forms of ambivalence. Why discuss ambivalence? Guilt rests on the foundation of ambivalence. Without a solid understanding of ambivalence, the three major manifestations of ambivalence make no sense. So, forgive the apparent diversion to follow, but from my point of view, a discussion of ambivalence is necessary to properly understand guilt.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page202.html
In guilt dynamics, there are only two patterns of thinking or behaving—rectifying something you did not do or rectifying something you erroneously did do. Either way you are stuck. In general, this is a no-win experience for the recipient. This is the “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario. In general, if we conform to the speaker’s manipulations, we have stuffed our anger and failed to be assertive. We feel crummy (anxiety on the surface, resentment underneath) and reinforce the guilt-inducing behaviors by not dealing with it directly. If we counter-manipulate at the level of the manipulation, we will have an argument and be further criticized by the speaker, again at the same level using the same standards, which in this case we are bucking. If we fail to respond; that is, do nothing, we are burdened with unresolved negative feelings. Strike three—you’re out!
I think of guilt as being on a continuum from the more local to the more global. Guilt can be induced by small events, like not coming home at curfew, especially if you happen to be a teenager. Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, one can have “life guilt,” like Catholics and other Christians who were born in original sin.
“If you’re born on this world, you’re guilty, period. Screw you, end of report, next case. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.”--George Carlin
From that point of view, humans are in a sorry state right out of the starting gate, and they didn’t even do anything, personally. The causes of guilt are failures in behavior, if viewed from legal, sociological or psychological perspectives, or sins, if viewed from a religious point of view. Both in the legal and religious arenas, there are lesser and greater transgressions. Thus, in law we have misdemeanors (petty theft, jaywalking) vs. felonies (burglary, assault). In Catholicism, there are intermediary “sins.” These are the venial sins. Then, there are the big ones, called mortal sins. (Catholics are my best customers because of all that guilt).
Guilt is intensified if the perception is that by our behavior, we have caused harm to another. Thus, getting drunk and running a stoplight causes us to crash into another’s car, which causes considerable harm to the other driver and car. However, guilt is diminished if there is no harm caused or if I don’t get caught. Consider this scenario. It is three in the morning, and I’m driving home on an old country road. I come to an intersection with a four-way stop, and there is no one around for miles. I slow down but don’t stop; instead, coast through the intersection after looking in all directions. Did I do something wrong? I didn’t hurt anyone and no one was there to remind me of the law, which I clearly knew; therefore, my driving must be OK.
To find the cause of guilt, I have to recognize that I have violated some standard of thinking, feeling or behaving. If I don’t appreciate or even know of the standard(s), then I don’t feel guilt. If I do, then I have a problem, mostly how to deal with my ambivalence. Ambivalence? Yes. Guilt, like procrastination and the inability to forgive are the three major forms of ambivalence. (An example of a minor form of ambivalence would be simple indecision, say at a restaurant, having trouble deciding which entrée is more appealing. Distrust can be a form of ambivalence, but some forms of distrust can just be distrust without ambivalence.)
This is really an article on ambivalence because guilt is one of three major forms of ambivalence. Why discuss ambivalence? Guilt rests on the foundation of ambivalence. Without a solid understanding of ambivalence, the three major manifestations of ambivalence make no sense. So, forgive the apparent diversion to follow, but from my point of view, a discussion of ambivalence is necessary to properly understand guilt.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page202.html
The Psychology of Guilt—Part II
This is the second of a three part series of articles on the psychology of guilt. Please read the first article before reading this one…
Here’s another perspective, from psychology:
“In this definition, guilt is a negative, paralyzing emotion, based on non-acceptance of oneself or the situation, and it leads to depression and frustration rather than change or improvement. Guilt is usually a negative focus upon oneself: ‘I am an evil person. I can't bear myself. I am unworthy.’ While this response may appear in a religious guise, it often turns out to be a form of self-deprecating laziness. This can even lead to self-hatred, and certainly contributes to lack of self-confidence. Instead of recognizing that one’s actions are incorrect, one gets the feeling as if one is unworthy, as if ‘I’ am intrinsically bad.
In Buddhism such type of guilt is categorized as a... "disturbing attitude: one doesn't see the situation clearly and may well be a tricky form of self-centeredness associated with anxiety, and sometimes depression.”
In other words, guilt has a notorious down side; a rotten underbelly that manifests as conflict, while at the same time obfuscates awareness of underlying feelings. Because it is painful, guilt can be a powerful motivator of behavior.
For example, guilt can make you overly socially sensitive. This is true if you are too willing to do anything in your attempt to make everyone happy. In this case it makes you overly conscientious. You fret over every action you take, overly consider the possible negative consequence to others, even if this means that you must ignore your needs and wants. Because it is less guilt-inducing to take care of others first, instead of yourself, you hide behind the mask of self-denial. You honestly believe it is better to serve others first, unaware that "guilt" is the motivator for such "generous" behavior. You see decisions about right and wrong in every aspect of your life and become obsessed with the tenuous nature of all of your personal actions, words and decisions. You are most sensitive to the cues of others when any implication of your wrongdoing is intimated. In extreme cases, guilt can immobilize you. You can become so overcome by the fear of doing, acting, saying or being "wrong" that you eventually collapse, give in, and choose inactivity, silence and the status quo. In this case, guilt neutralizes both initiative and assertiveness.
Here’s another dark side of guilt; it can interfere in your decision-making. It is so important to always be "right" in your decisions that you become unable to make a decision lest it be a wrong one. This is when guilt clobbers insight and reinforces suppression. Guilt makes you downplay the full array of your feelings. When guilt rules there is less of a subjective pay off to look deeper. There’s just conflict and pain “down there.” Overcome by guilt or the fear of it, you can become emotionally blocked or closed off. You are able neither to enjoy the positive fruits of life nor experience the negative aspects.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page202.html
Here’s another perspective, from psychology:
“In this definition, guilt is a negative, paralyzing emotion, based on non-acceptance of oneself or the situation, and it leads to depression and frustration rather than change or improvement. Guilt is usually a negative focus upon oneself: ‘I am an evil person. I can't bear myself. I am unworthy.’ While this response may appear in a religious guise, it often turns out to be a form of self-deprecating laziness. This can even lead to self-hatred, and certainly contributes to lack of self-confidence. Instead of recognizing that one’s actions are incorrect, one gets the feeling as if one is unworthy, as if ‘I’ am intrinsically bad.
In Buddhism such type of guilt is categorized as a... "disturbing attitude: one doesn't see the situation clearly and may well be a tricky form of self-centeredness associated with anxiety, and sometimes depression.”
In other words, guilt has a notorious down side; a rotten underbelly that manifests as conflict, while at the same time obfuscates awareness of underlying feelings. Because it is painful, guilt can be a powerful motivator of behavior.
For example, guilt can make you overly socially sensitive. This is true if you are too willing to do anything in your attempt to make everyone happy. In this case it makes you overly conscientious. You fret over every action you take, overly consider the possible negative consequence to others, even if this means that you must ignore your needs and wants. Because it is less guilt-inducing to take care of others first, instead of yourself, you hide behind the mask of self-denial. You honestly believe it is better to serve others first, unaware that "guilt" is the motivator for such "generous" behavior. You see decisions about right and wrong in every aspect of your life and become obsessed with the tenuous nature of all of your personal actions, words and decisions. You are most sensitive to the cues of others when any implication of your wrongdoing is intimated. In extreme cases, guilt can immobilize you. You can become so overcome by the fear of doing, acting, saying or being "wrong" that you eventually collapse, give in, and choose inactivity, silence and the status quo. In this case, guilt neutralizes both initiative and assertiveness.
Here’s another dark side of guilt; it can interfere in your decision-making. It is so important to always be "right" in your decisions that you become unable to make a decision lest it be a wrong one. This is when guilt clobbers insight and reinforces suppression. Guilt makes you downplay the full array of your feelings. When guilt rules there is less of a subjective pay off to look deeper. There’s just conflict and pain “down there.” Overcome by guilt or the fear of it, you can become emotionally blocked or closed off. You are able neither to enjoy the positive fruits of life nor experience the negative aspects.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page202.html
The Psychology of Guilt--Part I
This is the first in a three-part series on the psychology of guilt. It is written by a clinical psychologist who has been in private practice 27 years.
The Psychology of GUILT
(Ambivalence Turned Inwards)
From etymology (the study of historical linguistic change, especially as manifested in individual words)…
“Guilt stems from gylt ‘crime, sin, fault, fine,’ of unknown origin, though some suspect a connection to O.E. gieldan ‘to pay for, debt,’ but O.E.D. editors find this ‘inadmissible phonologically.’ The mistaken use for ‘sense of guilt’ is first recorded 1690. ‘Guilt by association’ is first recorded in 1941. ‘Guilty’ is from O.E. gyltig, from gylt.”
From wikipedia…
“Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse (which adds the dimension of sadness, shame or responsibility).”
In psychology, as well as in ordinary language, guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done, or conversely, having not done something one believes one should have done. It gives rise to a feeling which does not go away easily, usually driven by conscience. Freud described guilt as a state, resulting from the struggle between the ego and the superego. Specifically, guilt was thought to occur because of overbearing “parental imprinting.” Freud rejected the role of God as punisher in times of illness or rewarder in time of wellness. Thus, while removing one source of guilt from patients, he described another. This was the unconscious force within the individual, and Freud thought this contributed to illness. In a more general but still Freudian sense, the victim of someone else's accident or bad luck may be offered criticism; the theory being that the victim may be at fault for having attracted the other person's hostility. Guilt was the factor that created the calamity, albeit the process was out of awareness. The punishment of suffering confirmed the fault of the sufferer. Guilt and its causes, merits, and demerits are common themes in psychology. The use of guilt here is not referring to the mere fact of being guilty of something, but refers to seeing or projecting one's mistakes, while not knowing what to do about them or refusing to correct them.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page202.html
The Psychology of GUILT
(Ambivalence Turned Inwards)
From etymology (the study of historical linguistic change, especially as manifested in individual words)…
“Guilt stems from gylt ‘crime, sin, fault, fine,’ of unknown origin, though some suspect a connection to O.E. gieldan ‘to pay for, debt,’ but O.E.D. editors find this ‘inadmissible phonologically.’ The mistaken use for ‘sense of guilt’ is first recorded 1690. ‘Guilt by association’ is first recorded in 1941. ‘Guilty’ is from O.E. gyltig, from gylt.”
From wikipedia…
“Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse (which adds the dimension of sadness, shame or responsibility).”
In psychology, as well as in ordinary language, guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done, or conversely, having not done something one believes one should have done. It gives rise to a feeling which does not go away easily, usually driven by conscience. Freud described guilt as a state, resulting from the struggle between the ego and the superego. Specifically, guilt was thought to occur because of overbearing “parental imprinting.” Freud rejected the role of God as punisher in times of illness or rewarder in time of wellness. Thus, while removing one source of guilt from patients, he described another. This was the unconscious force within the individual, and Freud thought this contributed to illness. In a more general but still Freudian sense, the victim of someone else's accident or bad luck may be offered criticism; the theory being that the victim may be at fault for having attracted the other person's hostility. Guilt was the factor that created the calamity, albeit the process was out of awareness. The punishment of suffering confirmed the fault of the sufferer. Guilt and its causes, merits, and demerits are common themes in psychology. The use of guilt here is not referring to the mere fact of being guilty of something, but refers to seeing or projecting one's mistakes, while not knowing what to do about them or refusing to correct them.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page202.html
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