What is assertiveness? Simply defined, according to
Wikipedia, which is actually pretty good at defining this term,
assertiveness is:
"...a form of behavior characterized by a confident declaration or affirmation of a statement without need of proof; this affirms the person's rights or point of view without either aggressively threatening the rights of another (assuming a position of dominance) or submissively permitting another to ignore or deny one's rights or point of view."
Further, assertive people have the following characteristics:
"They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires.
They are...
"also able to initiate and maintain comfortable relationships
with [other]people. They know their rights. They have control over their anger. This does not mean that they repress this feeling; it means that they control anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner."
Assertive people ..."are willing to compromise with others, rather than
always wanting their own way ... and tend to have good self-esteem"
Assertive people enter friendships from an 'I count my needs. I count
your needs' position".
The most important trait in this last list is the first one, "They
feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and desires." This is the
state which allows for the expression of those recently excavated feelings, values, ideas, memories, associations and thoughts that previously weren't in awareness. Now that they are, the task is to use the appropriate words and say them, out loud, to decrease the tension inherent in the procrastination dynamic. Notice that I did not say that externalizing your thoughts got you off the hook or that it even reduced tension. It shifts attention from procrastination to assertiveness, which for some, is equally uncomfortable. (This is secondary procrastination-fear of dealing with it because of trouble being assertive.) But the demand now is to face the issue with assertiveness, which may cause another kind of anxiety, that of speaking up, This has to be mastered sufficiently or the dynamic of procrastination, even though exposed, will still not change.
You, the reader, are probably thinking, "Great, now I have to be
assertive when I haven't yet mastered procrastination." The short answer
is "yes" but assertiveness doesn't have to be so arduous, if that is the way you think about it. In my ebook, The Five Steps of Assertiveness, I describe three levels of assertiveness, "Beginning, Intermediate and Advanced." You only need to master the first level, which is very simple.
All you have to do is find the right words to describe your thoughts and/or feelings and say them. That's it! That takes the edge off the underlying or buried thoughts and feelings, because now they are no longer buried (it takes energy to contain energy and we experience this phenomenon mentally in the form of fatigue, distraction and overall tension). You've taken the lid off the bottle, so to speak, and let out some of the pressure. The next easy and logical step, is to state your position on something and then ask for what you want, this time directly. This is Beginning Assertiveness, and it is not hard. This is the simplest direct way to clear the air and get more of what you want.
Procrastination probably is the most indirect way of creating what you want, but it causes all kinds of problems inside your head and in your social environment because people are not pleased with procrastinating behavior. When you overtly state your wishes, people react to you differently. While they still might not like what you say or agree to give you what you want, they will see and appreciate the normal approach
you are now taking to resolving a situation. (Assertiveness does not
guarantee you will get what you want, but it does increase the odds.) You will get feedback that assertiveness is much better than "that other behavior" and the secondary benefits to you will be things like lowered anxiety, increased self-esteem and greater social matriculation.
So, follow me as I describe some situations in future articles that embody all the dynamics I've talked about.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Showing posts with label curing procrastination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label curing procrastination. Show all posts
Friday, September 2, 2011
Other Causes of Procrastination-Like Behaviors-Part II
Other Causes of Procrastination-Like Behaviors-Part II
This is a continuation of the previous article, which was Part I. Please read that article first.
To continue...
Mental health is often an underlying factor. Think depression or bi-polar illness. Think anxiety disorders. These are serious conditions that clearly compromise an individual's ability to negotiate even simple, daily tasks, much less tackle big projects. Think about Frank (example of procrastination in a previous article). If he is depressed significantly more than he knows, Frank will be unable to muster enough energy to complete projects, again until the tension builds and overrides the resistance caused by the mental illness. Depression, and mood disorders in general, take the motivation out of behavior because they require such a great effort to overcome the effects of the mental illness. If mental illness is suspected, consult with a behavioral health professional.
Another possible cause of procrastination is drug or alcohol use.
Drugs are everywhere and teenagers are exposed to them every day at high
schools and colleges. I've had kids as young as seven in my office
asking question about funny looking weed-like stuff in plastic bags. When asked where they saw this, one child said, "Some big kid was selling it outside my school." Whoa! This was just marijuana. There are more
drugs "out there" than parents realize, and if Jim is taking these, his
behavior is going to be compromised. In the world of using drugs, motivations change, intensity of moods change, ability to concentrate
changes. From the drug experience mind set, cleaning rooms and doing
homework are not appealing and even if they were, the ability to complete
such tasks is compromised because the brains needed to wield attention are
polluted. If drugs are an issue, seek a behavioral health professional.
Lastly, personality disorders wreak havoc on behavior and can mimic
procrastination. A personality disorder is a long term, maladaptive
pattern of behavior that is not a mental illness, strictly speaking
(although they are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Illnesses). We have all heard of the psychopath (now called
Antisocial Personality), and more in the news and literature are
Narcissistic and Borderline Personality disorders. There are others, and their nature is too far afield from the scope of this article on procrastination. If you suspect a personality disorder, go to Google
and type in "Personality Disorders" and do a little research. This
category really does require professional training to diagnose, especially
to tease out from simple procrastination. If in doubt, consult with a
behavioral health professional.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
This is a continuation of the previous article, which was Part I. Please read that article first.
To continue...
Mental health is often an underlying factor. Think depression or bi-polar illness. Think anxiety disorders. These are serious conditions that clearly compromise an individual's ability to negotiate even simple, daily tasks, much less tackle big projects. Think about Frank (example of procrastination in a previous article). If he is depressed significantly more than he knows, Frank will be unable to muster enough energy to complete projects, again until the tension builds and overrides the resistance caused by the mental illness. Depression, and mood disorders in general, take the motivation out of behavior because they require such a great effort to overcome the effects of the mental illness. If mental illness is suspected, consult with a behavioral health professional.
Another possible cause of procrastination is drug or alcohol use.
Drugs are everywhere and teenagers are exposed to them every day at high
schools and colleges. I've had kids as young as seven in my office
asking question about funny looking weed-like stuff in plastic bags. When asked where they saw this, one child said, "Some big kid was selling it outside my school." Whoa! This was just marijuana. There are more
drugs "out there" than parents realize, and if Jim is taking these, his
behavior is going to be compromised. In the world of using drugs, motivations change, intensity of moods change, ability to concentrate
changes. From the drug experience mind set, cleaning rooms and doing
homework are not appealing and even if they were, the ability to complete
such tasks is compromised because the brains needed to wield attention are
polluted. If drugs are an issue, seek a behavioral health professional.
Lastly, personality disorders wreak havoc on behavior and can mimic
procrastination. A personality disorder is a long term, maladaptive
pattern of behavior that is not a mental illness, strictly speaking
(although they are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Illnesses). We have all heard of the psychopath (now called
Antisocial Personality), and more in the news and literature are
Narcissistic and Borderline Personality disorders. There are others, and their nature is too far afield from the scope of this article on procrastination. If you suspect a personality disorder, go to Google
and type in "Personality Disorders" and do a little research. This
category really does require professional training to diagnose, especially
to tease out from simple procrastination. If in doubt, consult with a
behavioral health professional.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Other Causes of Procrastination-Like Behaviors-Part I
These two articles are part of a group of articles about procrastination, all written by an outpatient psychologist. Previous articles explain the relationship between conflicts, ambivalence, anxiety, avoidance, etc.; all of which might be read in order to fully understand the content of the current article.
To continue...
Sometimes, people go through lots of therapeutic steps and still procrastinate. They understand the conflicts, the ambivalence, the anxiety and everything else and still procrastinates. Then what?
The answer is that we missed something. There is some dynamic or other behavior that is not visible, still gumming up the works. In one of the previous articles, Jim (an adolescent) didn't want to clean his room or do his homework. What other issues might there be that could explain. It turns out there are several major possibilities.
One is ADHD. This is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and is a neurological disorder that manifests as the inability to pay attention to consistently low stimulation activity. Other symptoms are distractibility, disorganization, usually impulsivity and often some hyperactivity (fidgeting, constantly moving or climbing, etc.). The ADHD mind set does not easily lend itself to cleaning rooms and paying attention to homework. Paying attention and being still for ADHD kids is actually painful and is usually avoided by self-creating stimulation, usually not of the parent-approved kind. If this is the underlying cause of procrastination consult with a behavioral health professional. While ADHD behaviors look like procrastination on the surface, they are really reflective of an underpowered braking system in the brain. In Jim's case, he couldn't stop distracting impulses from taking him off task. This looks like procrastination because "things" aren't done on time, but the culprit is not so much suppression of underlying conflicts, but faulty wiring.
Another possible cause of procrastination is ODD. This is
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD is also a behavioral condition,
characterized by excessive negativity, non-cooperative behaviors other
than those normally ascribed to certain ages (think "terrible two's," or
teen rebellion, which are normal). ODD, like ADHD, is frequently seen
as a co-morbid condition; that is, one that co-exists as a separate
disorder alongside another disorder such as ADHD or depression. In this
case procrastination-like behavior might really be the expression of a mood disorder, or some chronic, deep-seated environmental stressor, like a pesky younger sister who lives to frustrate her older brother, or parents who prefer such a sibling over Jim. If this is the case, see a behavioral health professional or read "How To Change Children's Behavior (Quickly)."
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
To continue...
Sometimes, people go through lots of therapeutic steps and still procrastinate. They understand the conflicts, the ambivalence, the anxiety and everything else and still procrastinates. Then what?
The answer is that we missed something. There is some dynamic or other behavior that is not visible, still gumming up the works. In one of the previous articles, Jim (an adolescent) didn't want to clean his room or do his homework. What other issues might there be that could explain. It turns out there are several major possibilities.
One is ADHD. This is Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder and is a neurological disorder that manifests as the inability to pay attention to consistently low stimulation activity. Other symptoms are distractibility, disorganization, usually impulsivity and often some hyperactivity (fidgeting, constantly moving or climbing, etc.). The ADHD mind set does not easily lend itself to cleaning rooms and paying attention to homework. Paying attention and being still for ADHD kids is actually painful and is usually avoided by self-creating stimulation, usually not of the parent-approved kind. If this is the underlying cause of procrastination consult with a behavioral health professional. While ADHD behaviors look like procrastination on the surface, they are really reflective of an underpowered braking system in the brain. In Jim's case, he couldn't stop distracting impulses from taking him off task. This looks like procrastination because "things" aren't done on time, but the culprit is not so much suppression of underlying conflicts, but faulty wiring.
Another possible cause of procrastination is ODD. This is
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD is also a behavioral condition,
characterized by excessive negativity, non-cooperative behaviors other
than those normally ascribed to certain ages (think "terrible two's," or
teen rebellion, which are normal). ODD, like ADHD, is frequently seen
as a co-morbid condition; that is, one that co-exists as a separate
disorder alongside another disorder such as ADHD or depression. In this
case procrastination-like behavior might really be the expression of a mood disorder, or some chronic, deep-seated environmental stressor, like a pesky younger sister who lives to frustrate her older brother, or parents who prefer such a sibling over Jim. If this is the case, see a behavioral health professional or read "How To Change Children's Behavior (Quickly)."
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Practical Theory to Resolve Procrastination
This article was written by a clinical psychologist who has been in private practice 27 years. It is one of a host of articles on procrastination, many of which should be on this blog. Please read the other articles to understand the basic terms of this one, specifically ambivalence and its relation to procrastination.
The trick with all forms of ambivalence is to make conscious the various out-of-awareness conflicts that gum up motivation and undermine behavior. Procrastination is not paying attention to something out of awareness, or making something be out of awareness that should be in focus, consciously.
The way you best do this is how you best master procrastination.
Some people just sit and listen to themselves, until the offending memory, association or blocked impulses surfaces. This is what I do whenever I'm ambivalent. Others are more deliberate in their search within. They meditate, or practice mindfulness, which is really not that complicated in theory, but hard for many to practice. Mindfulness is simply listening and watching your every thought, feeling, physical sensation and impulse, with an eye towards making all your internal activity fully conscious as you move through time.
When this occurs, associations to your experiences also surface, and
there is the link to what's in the back of your mind, causing the "pause." (Someone also said, this is also "pausing the cause."
Cute.) Regardless, the goal is to find the ambivalence, which is masked by anxiety. There is indecision somewhere in your mind, conscious or not, probably sponsored by the existence of some approach-avoidance or double approach-avoidance conflict. Your task is to examine yourself sufficiently to find this kernel, this hotbed of avoidance, suppression or repression.
When the source of the conflict is discovered, the anxiety shifts from one born of avoidance, to one born of having to deal with the conflict. Remember, ambivalence is a sign of indecision over some contesting ideas, values, feeling, memories or thoughts. By definition, it is not pleasant to have to deal with these "things," or else there would be no justification for suppressing or repressing them in the first place. Now, you have to deal with the forbidden, displaced, relegated material that caused you discomfort. The anxiety that emerges from this process is not that of hiding and having to discover the hidden material. The material is now in view, so now what do you do with it?
The answer is to be assertive; that is, to openly address the onflict, preferably by word first, not deed. The answer is to verbalize your conflict, whatever it is, whatever level at which it functions or whichever conflict it represents. The trick is to put words to your feelings and say them, out loud, expressing all the nuances of the ambivalence and resulting indecision.
Does this resolve the conflict? No. What it accomplishes is
changing your awareness from more suppressed or repressed to more open
and flowing. From the latter perspective, dealing with the underlying
dilemma is now possible, because it is no longer buried. But just
because it is in your awareness doesn't mean procrastination suddenly
disappears. You have to act on the feelings, thoughts, etc. in an overt manner, which was not possible before. In fact, because the hidden conflicts were not up front and in your face before, you were rendered incapable of dealing directly with them. Now, you can, but you still have to decide to do it. Usually, the pressure expressed by making such ambivalence conscious is sufficient motivation to deal with the issue.
It is not any more comfortable now that it is conscious than when it wasn't. Because you have a vocabulary to apply in expressing the conflicts (which seems to naturally follow when such items surface) externalizing them is more likely. This is when assertiveness seems to be most effective in resolving procrastination.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
The trick with all forms of ambivalence is to make conscious the various out-of-awareness conflicts that gum up motivation and undermine behavior. Procrastination is not paying attention to something out of awareness, or making something be out of awareness that should be in focus, consciously.
The way you best do this is how you best master procrastination.
Some people just sit and listen to themselves, until the offending memory, association or blocked impulses surfaces. This is what I do whenever I'm ambivalent. Others are more deliberate in their search within. They meditate, or practice mindfulness, which is really not that complicated in theory, but hard for many to practice. Mindfulness is simply listening and watching your every thought, feeling, physical sensation and impulse, with an eye towards making all your internal activity fully conscious as you move through time.
When this occurs, associations to your experiences also surface, and
there is the link to what's in the back of your mind, causing the "pause." (Someone also said, this is also "pausing the cause."
Cute.) Regardless, the goal is to find the ambivalence, which is masked by anxiety. There is indecision somewhere in your mind, conscious or not, probably sponsored by the existence of some approach-avoidance or double approach-avoidance conflict. Your task is to examine yourself sufficiently to find this kernel, this hotbed of avoidance, suppression or repression.
When the source of the conflict is discovered, the anxiety shifts from one born of avoidance, to one born of having to deal with the conflict. Remember, ambivalence is a sign of indecision over some contesting ideas, values, feeling, memories or thoughts. By definition, it is not pleasant to have to deal with these "things," or else there would be no justification for suppressing or repressing them in the first place. Now, you have to deal with the forbidden, displaced, relegated material that caused you discomfort. The anxiety that emerges from this process is not that of hiding and having to discover the hidden material. The material is now in view, so now what do you do with it?
The answer is to be assertive; that is, to openly address the onflict, preferably by word first, not deed. The answer is to verbalize your conflict, whatever it is, whatever level at which it functions or whichever conflict it represents. The trick is to put words to your feelings and say them, out loud, expressing all the nuances of the ambivalence and resulting indecision.
Does this resolve the conflict? No. What it accomplishes is
changing your awareness from more suppressed or repressed to more open
and flowing. From the latter perspective, dealing with the underlying
dilemma is now possible, because it is no longer buried. But just
because it is in your awareness doesn't mean procrastination suddenly
disappears. You have to act on the feelings, thoughts, etc. in an overt manner, which was not possible before. In fact, because the hidden conflicts were not up front and in your face before, you were rendered incapable of dealing directly with them. Now, you can, but you still have to decide to do it. Usually, the pressure expressed by making such ambivalence conscious is sufficient motivation to deal with the issue.
It is not any more comfortable now that it is conscious than when it wasn't. Because you have a vocabulary to apply in expressing the conflicts (which seems to naturally follow when such items surface) externalizing them is more likely. This is when assertiveness seems to be most effective in resolving procrastination.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Introduction to Procrastination-Part II
As with all ambivalences (see below), procrastination pops up
when there are conflicts over values, ideas or feelings. We are aware
of some aspects of these; that is, we may have a conscious experience of
the conflicts. Or, the conflicts may be between what we are aware of
and what is out of awareness. Many a thought has come and gone, yet
still resides in our unconscious minds. Here, we find values,
preferences, hidden motivations, likes and dislikes; plus as Freud said,
here exists a whole pantheon of buried impulses, some good, some not.
I'm not talking about conscious choices that appear to be
procrastination, but really are expressing other dynamics, such as
planning. Examples of this are delaying a project because not enough
data are available to manage it, or proceed, so we wait. Another example
is when you are sick. If you are like me, when I'm sick, I manage my
resources much more intently and take on less and less until I feel better. When I'm sick, I don't feel like doing anything. If the sickness is protracted, my delays will be too. This isn't procrastination of the kind I'm talking about in this paper; its preserving resources, no matter how long it takes to recover and begin anew. The proof is that when I have enough data or I feel better, I actually start on something and the illusion of procrastination disappears. I'm not talking about illnesses or neurological conditions, like mood disorders or ADHD. Procrastination that causes problems, not problems that appear to be but are not procrastionation is the focus of this ebook.
In this article, I'm writing about the conflicts between what we are
aware of and what is in our unconscious minds. Worse, we can have conflicts between two values, ideas or feelings that are wholly unconscious. In this case, there will be procrastination but almost no understainding or awareness of the dynamic-just anxiety. Why?
As with all indecision, procrastination is experienced as an impulse to avoid something, or say "No" to something or to not pay attention to some part of our brain that is speaking, just not very clearly or perhaps loudly enough.
-Dr.Griggs
http://
when there are conflicts over values, ideas or feelings. We are aware
of some aspects of these; that is, we may have a conscious experience of
the conflicts. Or, the conflicts may be between what we are aware of
and what is out of awareness. Many a thought has come and gone, yet
still resides in our unconscious minds. Here, we find values,
preferences, hidden motivations, likes and dislikes; plus as Freud said,
here exists a whole pantheon of buried impulses, some good, some not.
I'm not talking about conscious choices that appear to be
procrastination, but really are expressing other dynamics, such as
planning. Examples of this are delaying a project because not enough
data are available to manage it, or proceed, so we wait. Another example
is when you are sick. If you are like me, when I'm sick, I manage my
resources much more intently and take on less and less until I feel better. When I'm sick, I don't feel like doing anything. If the sickness is protracted, my delays will be too. This isn't procrastination of the kind I'm talking about in this paper; its preserving resources, no matter how long it takes to recover and begin anew. The proof is that when I have enough data or I feel better, I actually start on something and the illusion of procrastination disappears. I'm not talking about illnesses or neurological conditions, like mood disorders or ADHD. Procrastination that causes problems, not problems that appear to be but are not procrastionation is the focus of this ebook.
In this article, I'm writing about the conflicts between what we are
aware of and what is in our unconscious minds. Worse, we can have conflicts between two values, ideas or feelings that are wholly unconscious. In this case, there will be procrastination but almost no understainding or awareness of the dynamic-just anxiety. Why?
As with all indecision, procrastination is experienced as an impulse to avoid something, or say "No" to something or to not pay attention to some part of our brain that is speaking, just not very clearly or perhaps loudly enough.
-Dr.Griggs
http://
Introduction to Procrastination, Part I
Procrastination manifests everywhere, most of the time, in every
aspect or part of your life. You wait until the last minute to do
things, buy Christmas or birthday presents, visit the chiropractor or
dentist or file your taxes. You forget to make that hair or other
appointments or register to vote. The car needs an oil change.
The house is a mess but you haven't picked up the clothes or done the
dishes. The messes grow but you don't do much about them. Shouldn't
you do some of these things now so you don't have to waste a weekend or
vacation day cleaning or repairing everything you own? Sure, but do you?
The conflicts are about choices, which have different valences,
considering for the moment only the conscious ones. These can be relative to time or value. If the choice is between going to the gym or watching a video, you might choose the movie. You might make this choice because of the activity or whether it takes less time. At a restaurant, you choose a fatty entree over a lean one, perhaps because of taste, but perhaps because of price. The delays and poor choices continue, probably becoming more frequent, but you keep saying you'll "get around to" these things. Maybe you'll think about these things later, like next week. How about Tuesday? But next Tuesday turns into two Tuesdays from now, or even the week after you get back from vacation. Your intentions are good but your behavior suggests something else is going on.
The misconception about procrastinators is that we are lazy and can't
well manage our time. By definition, procrastination exist and functions
relative to time. You should do something now, but in reality, you will
approach it later, and probably not do it then, either. What we are not
managing causes conflict, bred by indecision, later anxiety. Our behavior is how we manage this chain of events at the end of the process, which is what distinguishes whether we are procrastinating, or whether we simply feel indecisive, or worse, guilty.
Procrastinators often have great difficulty in seeking help, or finding an understanding source of support, due to the stigma and profound
misunderstanding surrounding extreme forms of procrastination. In reality, procrastinators are neither lazy nor time-incompetent. But, we are told we are, so we "compensate." How? We fight back. We surround ourselves with instruments to make life more efficient. We buy a daily planner and a to-do list application for our phone. We write ourselves notes and fill out schedules. We buy books on procrastination. However, these tools add to the problem, because now they need to be managed, in addition to the things we should actually be doing. (You have to actually use the daily planner or open the phone application. You have to read your own notes and follow your own schedules.) There's a growing list of things to do, and now a growing
army of tools to do them. We think the tools will compensate our internal failures. Yes, we are bad managers of our time, but not because we are bad people. It turns out we are bad tacticians in the war inside our brains. Our tools reflect our feeble attempts to overcome the conflicts, but in the end, the tools also fail. Like the saying goes, we succumb to a "death by a thousand cuts."
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page19.html
aspect or part of your life. You wait until the last minute to do
things, buy Christmas or birthday presents, visit the chiropractor or
dentist or file your taxes. You forget to make that hair or other
appointments or register to vote. The car needs an oil change.
The house is a mess but you haven't picked up the clothes or done the
dishes. The messes grow but you don't do much about them. Shouldn't
you do some of these things now so you don't have to waste a weekend or
vacation day cleaning or repairing everything you own? Sure, but do you?
The conflicts are about choices, which have different valences,
considering for the moment only the conscious ones. These can be relative to time or value. If the choice is between going to the gym or watching a video, you might choose the movie. You might make this choice because of the activity or whether it takes less time. At a restaurant, you choose a fatty entree over a lean one, perhaps because of taste, but perhaps because of price. The delays and poor choices continue, probably becoming more frequent, but you keep saying you'll "get around to" these things. Maybe you'll think about these things later, like next week. How about Tuesday? But next Tuesday turns into two Tuesdays from now, or even the week after you get back from vacation. Your intentions are good but your behavior suggests something else is going on.
The misconception about procrastinators is that we are lazy and can't
well manage our time. By definition, procrastination exist and functions
relative to time. You should do something now, but in reality, you will
approach it later, and probably not do it then, either. What we are not
managing causes conflict, bred by indecision, later anxiety. Our behavior is how we manage this chain of events at the end of the process, which is what distinguishes whether we are procrastinating, or whether we simply feel indecisive, or worse, guilty.
Procrastinators often have great difficulty in seeking help, or finding an understanding source of support, due to the stigma and profound
misunderstanding surrounding extreme forms of procrastination. In reality, procrastinators are neither lazy nor time-incompetent. But, we are told we are, so we "compensate." How? We fight back. We surround ourselves with instruments to make life more efficient. We buy a daily planner and a to-do list application for our phone. We write ourselves notes and fill out schedules. We buy books on procrastination. However, these tools add to the problem, because now they need to be managed, in addition to the things we should actually be doing. (You have to actually use the daily planner or open the phone application. You have to read your own notes and follow your own schedules.) There's a growing list of things to do, and now a growing
army of tools to do them. We think the tools will compensate our internal failures. Yes, we are bad managers of our time, but not because we are bad people. It turns out we are bad tacticians in the war inside our brains. Our tools reflect our feeble attempts to overcome the conflicts, but in the end, the tools also fail. Like the saying goes, we succumb to a "death by a thousand cuts."
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page19.html
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Curing Procrastination
Curing Procrastination
While it is not a clinical syndrome; that is, a diagnosis found in a mental health manual, procrastination is still pernicious, psychologically. It can create mild symptoms or some that are chronic, even paralyzing. Regardless, procrastination is something that can be cured.
Procrastination is really a form of ambivalence. This is not widely recognized. Ambivalence is when part of you wants something and part of your doesn’t want that something. It doesn’t have to be two things that directly conflict. One of the "somethings" can be related to the other, just not the same, requiring a choice that is, at least partially, mutually exclusive. Ambivalence can be in awareness, partially in awareness or totally out of awareness. This doesn’t matter, because the subjective experience of it is uneasiness. It actually creates anxiety, but it is of the kind that is not usually associated with anxiety disorders, proper.
Procrastination happens when these conflicts occur in our lives and we don’t want to deal with them. For example, I’m supposed to clean my room but I want to go out to play. I’ll think about the former but want to do the later. The choices are about two things that are relatively mutually exclusive and sooner or later, I have to negotiate the choices. I have to pick one. Either one I pick will have consequences, and I know one of them will have unpleasant consequences.
I usually pick the more pleasant, self-serving behavior, which automatically means I’m putting off choosing the “other.” This appears to be procrastinating, because I’m not doing something, but in reality I’m avoiding a conflict. I am ambivalent, experiencing some level of anxiety and trying to get around the whole thing.
Like I said before, the things we procrastinate about can be big or little, in or out of awareness, and be short or longer term. Those are just the particulars, but the dynamic is the same in each case. We usually choose the more self-serving behavior in the service of either avoiding the conflict; that is, making it disappear from our awareness, or to just avoid the less pleasant of the two choices.
This latter dynamic is often a function of our impulsiveness. As can be seen, this quality has many manifestations, some of which are adaptive, like when we procrastinate in order to glean more information before acting on something. Some dynamics are maladaptive, like when we put off finishing a project for the boss, knowing the impact on our job security.
In order to solve procrastination, we have to penetrate the ambivalence. We have to “pull up” into awareness, the full import of our choices. But for most of us, to do that means we also have to do a little soul searching. You see, ambivalence doesn’t just occur in a vacuum. There are reasons we avoid certain things, other than they may or may not be more difficult to do than something else. Sometimes it’s about not wanting to express a feeling, such as anger. If someone asks you to do something and you feel slighted, it is unlikely you will comply with their request. So, you don’t, on the surface, which is about not dealing with your internal state, expressing yourself and later resolving ambivalence. The superficial behavior then looks like procrastinating, when in fact, its just about avoiding conflict (which is probably at the heart of ambivalence in most cases).
Questions can be directed to author, who is a clinical psychologist.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
While it is not a clinical syndrome; that is, a diagnosis found in a mental health manual, procrastination is still pernicious, psychologically. It can create mild symptoms or some that are chronic, even paralyzing. Regardless, procrastination is something that can be cured.
Procrastination is really a form of ambivalence. This is not widely recognized. Ambivalence is when part of you wants something and part of your doesn’t want that something. It doesn’t have to be two things that directly conflict. One of the "somethings" can be related to the other, just not the same, requiring a choice that is, at least partially, mutually exclusive. Ambivalence can be in awareness, partially in awareness or totally out of awareness. This doesn’t matter, because the subjective experience of it is uneasiness. It actually creates anxiety, but it is of the kind that is not usually associated with anxiety disorders, proper.
Procrastination happens when these conflicts occur in our lives and we don’t want to deal with them. For example, I’m supposed to clean my room but I want to go out to play. I’ll think about the former but want to do the later. The choices are about two things that are relatively mutually exclusive and sooner or later, I have to negotiate the choices. I have to pick one. Either one I pick will have consequences, and I know one of them will have unpleasant consequences.
I usually pick the more pleasant, self-serving behavior, which automatically means I’m putting off choosing the “other.” This appears to be procrastinating, because I’m not doing something, but in reality I’m avoiding a conflict. I am ambivalent, experiencing some level of anxiety and trying to get around the whole thing.
Like I said before, the things we procrastinate about can be big or little, in or out of awareness, and be short or longer term. Those are just the particulars, but the dynamic is the same in each case. We usually choose the more self-serving behavior in the service of either avoiding the conflict; that is, making it disappear from our awareness, or to just avoid the less pleasant of the two choices.
This latter dynamic is often a function of our impulsiveness. As can be seen, this quality has many manifestations, some of which are adaptive, like when we procrastinate in order to glean more information before acting on something. Some dynamics are maladaptive, like when we put off finishing a project for the boss, knowing the impact on our job security.
In order to solve procrastination, we have to penetrate the ambivalence. We have to “pull up” into awareness, the full import of our choices. But for most of us, to do that means we also have to do a little soul searching. You see, ambivalence doesn’t just occur in a vacuum. There are reasons we avoid certain things, other than they may or may not be more difficult to do than something else. Sometimes it’s about not wanting to express a feeling, such as anger. If someone asks you to do something and you feel slighted, it is unlikely you will comply with their request. So, you don’t, on the surface, which is about not dealing with your internal state, expressing yourself and later resolving ambivalence. The superficial behavior then looks like procrastinating, when in fact, its just about avoiding conflict (which is probably at the heart of ambivalence in most cases).
Questions can be directed to author, who is a clinical psychologist.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Example 2-Dealing With Procrastination
Jim is a teenager who puts off cleaning his room until the
last possible second. He does the same for homework, preferring
to do it at eleven 'o clock at night, just before bedtime. What
might be going on with Jim?
What is the ambivalence? In this case, Jim was in "full on"
protest mode, just because of his age. Teens like to thwart authority.
Why? Because they are trying to usurp their own, and will do so from
any available source. Since parents are the closest objects in their
living environment, they get the majority of the usurping, in this case
in the form of un-cooperation. Jim was asserting his independence.
But, this also looks like defiance, which is not what Jim's parents
well tolerate. So, Jim has to drive his insubordination underground,
into the back of his mind, where it will not consciously bother him.
Having achieved this, probably by repeatedly deciding this over time,
Jim now automatically delays cleaning his room when asked, thus giving
vent to his protest needs without creating much conflict on the surface.
Nice balance, but not sufficient for parents, who sooner or later notice
the room is still not clean.
Jim is also mad at his younger sister, who cleans her room regularly,
if nothing more than to make Jim look bad. Jim does not want to conform
to his sister's behavior, because it makes him look like the loser. The
sister wins the power struggle because she cleaned her room first, gets
lots of recognition and older brother, Jim, now has copied her, which makes him look less "right."
The competition continues with homework. Sister does hers earlier
in the evening and gets better grades. Jim puts his off to avoid doing
what sister does, thus differentiating himself, simultaneously expressing
his resentment at "miss goodie two shoes." In his own mind, Jim minimizes the fact that she does better in school and gets more recognition from parents.
Further, Jim is in a social group of other boys who, likewise, put
things off, including cleaning their rooms and doing homework earlier.
To fit in with the group, Jim must protest parental demands even if it means enduring criticism at home. In this case the negative feedback from parents is an admission ticket into the group. It is the Red Badge of Courage that shows worthwhileness. Here, again, is the ego need.
All of these dynamics are also somewhat buried under the surface of
consciousness, as with Frank (previous article, Example 1--Dealing With procrastination). To resolve the ambivalence, I had to get Jim to face his underlying needs, wants, drives and wishes. I had to make conscious his wish to make powerless his parents and sister and teachers. I had to do a little "excavating" with a few key questions. "How do you FEEL about your parents, sister and teachers? What do you WANT from your family and teachers and friends? What do you RESENT about these people?
Having done that, the next step was to help Jim express himself assertively. He was to tell his parents his needs and then engage in a little bargaining. For example, he wanted to clean his room, just not on their schedule. So, Jim approached his parents and proposed a different schedule that still maintained a clean room. Likewise, Jim preferred to study at school in the morning at study hall, which just happened to be a free period at the beginning of the school day. Previously, he had been sleeping in this class, because of staying up too late. He agreed to go to sleep earlier, study at school and not study at home at night. Instead, he wanted to play video games online with his friends in the evening. His parents agreed only if his room stayed clean and his grades improved. Since Jim was now in more control of his own destiny (autonomy needs) and since Jim was making better grades (more successfully competing with his sister, only on HIS terms) and since he was more accepted by his social group (greater sense of his SOCIAL self), everybody won. Jim accomplished these things by making conscious his underlying dynamics, and then assertively expressing them with a little creative bargaining. Procrastination be gone!
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
last possible second. He does the same for homework, preferring
to do it at eleven 'o clock at night, just before bedtime. What
might be going on with Jim?
What is the ambivalence? In this case, Jim was in "full on"
protest mode, just because of his age. Teens like to thwart authority.
Why? Because they are trying to usurp their own, and will do so from
any available source. Since parents are the closest objects in their
living environment, they get the majority of the usurping, in this case
in the form of un-cooperation. Jim was asserting his independence.
But, this also looks like defiance, which is not what Jim's parents
well tolerate. So, Jim has to drive his insubordination underground,
into the back of his mind, where it will not consciously bother him.
Having achieved this, probably by repeatedly deciding this over time,
Jim now automatically delays cleaning his room when asked, thus giving
vent to his protest needs without creating much conflict on the surface.
Nice balance, but not sufficient for parents, who sooner or later notice
the room is still not clean.
Jim is also mad at his younger sister, who cleans her room regularly,
if nothing more than to make Jim look bad. Jim does not want to conform
to his sister's behavior, because it makes him look like the loser. The
sister wins the power struggle because she cleaned her room first, gets
lots of recognition and older brother, Jim, now has copied her, which makes him look less "right."
The competition continues with homework. Sister does hers earlier
in the evening and gets better grades. Jim puts his off to avoid doing
what sister does, thus differentiating himself, simultaneously expressing
his resentment at "miss goodie two shoes." In his own mind, Jim minimizes the fact that she does better in school and gets more recognition from parents.
Further, Jim is in a social group of other boys who, likewise, put
things off, including cleaning their rooms and doing homework earlier.
To fit in with the group, Jim must protest parental demands even if it means enduring criticism at home. In this case the negative feedback from parents is an admission ticket into the group. It is the Red Badge of Courage that shows worthwhileness. Here, again, is the ego need.
All of these dynamics are also somewhat buried under the surface of
consciousness, as with Frank (previous article, Example 1--Dealing With procrastination). To resolve the ambivalence, I had to get Jim to face his underlying needs, wants, drives and wishes. I had to make conscious his wish to make powerless his parents and sister and teachers. I had to do a little "excavating" with a few key questions. "How do you FEEL about your parents, sister and teachers? What do you WANT from your family and teachers and friends? What do you RESENT about these people?
Having done that, the next step was to help Jim express himself assertively. He was to tell his parents his needs and then engage in a little bargaining. For example, he wanted to clean his room, just not on their schedule. So, Jim approached his parents and proposed a different schedule that still maintained a clean room. Likewise, Jim preferred to study at school in the morning at study hall, which just happened to be a free period at the beginning of the school day. Previously, he had been sleeping in this class, because of staying up too late. He agreed to go to sleep earlier, study at school and not study at home at night. Instead, he wanted to play video games online with his friends in the evening. His parents agreed only if his room stayed clean and his grades improved. Since Jim was now in more control of his own destiny (autonomy needs) and since Jim was making better grades (more successfully competing with his sister, only on HIS terms) and since he was more accepted by his social group (greater sense of his SOCIAL self), everybody won. Jim accomplished these things by making conscious his underlying dynamics, and then assertively expressing them with a little creative bargaining. Procrastination be gone!
--Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Example 1-Dealing With Procrastination
This comes from an ebook on procrastination that is
available on the author's website. Many people want real
life examples of this very difficult psychological state.
Here's one. But first, you might read the other articles
in this directory on this subject by this author. This
will give you, the reader, a better understanding of what's
below.
Frank D. is an executive famous for his brilliance and
equally famous for turning in projects at the last possible
moment. Waiting drives his colleagues nuts, but they put
up with him because of the high quality of his work. How
do we deal with this form of procrastination?
Remember, procrastination is a form of ambivalence, so
right away ask what is under the surface that is working
against the conscious wish-presumably to complete projects
on time. Here are some possibilities (theories). Frank
may resent being a subordinate to a boss with less mental
capabilities. Frank may need the challenge to stimulate
his high quality work. This is often the case in
individuals with ADHD. (They often work best "under fire"
and complete things best in "crisis mode.") Frank may have
a wrecked home life and to put energy into a work project may
tap already dwindling personal resources. Frank may have a
bet going with co-workers that he can complete another project
before finishing this one. There are lots of possible
dynamics that might explain Frank's procrastination.
The ambivalence is the conflict between what is outwardly
demanded of Frank and what is inwardly more important.
In this case, Frank's boss has one thing in mind, finishing
the project with some level of quality, and Frank has conflicts,
needing to do something else, wanting some other experience to
happen first, etc. From a psychological point of view, Frank's
needs and drives to maintain balance probably control his behavior.
He has conflicts, and to manage them, Frank must suppress, deny,
circumnavigate or even repress those things that vie for his
attention. Probably these "things" are pretty strong, so Frank
must work at keeping them at bay. This sets up the division
between what Frank is aware of and what he is not. The conflict,
being uncomfortable, causes Frank to avoid doing the project,
because the thought of actually working, elicits awareness of the
underlying conflict, which is uncomfortable. Therefore, Frank
avoids thinking about work and goes off to do something pleasurable,
thereby, reinforcing his avoidance (escape from pain is a reward).
Likely, Frank is using suppression.
To deal with this form of procrastination, Frank will have
to acknowledge the conflict, which means facing his underlying
thoughts, feelings and wishes. Someone will have to point out
to Frank, or perhaps in the heat of the approaching deadline,
Frank will have to point out to himself that he feels a certain
way, or has all these potential conflicts brewing. In my office,
it is the psychologist that usually has to do this the first few
times with a client, because usually they have learned to bury
parts of themselves and have reinforced that dynamic (avoidance
that temporarily relieves pain) over and over, so that now the
habit is automatic. They don't realize that procrastination has
cemented itself into their psyches and functions without their
being aware. As described above, suppression has become
repression. So, I point out the possible underlying conflicting
ambivalence based on their feelings and previous experiences,
needs and wants.
In Frank's case, it was the first dynamic that "gummed up"
the works. He is brilliant and his boss is "sort of" a smart guy.
So, Frank had some resentment doing his boss' bidding because,
in Frank's mind, it should be Frank calling the shots, not the boss.
Further, if Frank waited until the last minute, the boss would get
worried, which made Frank very happy. This is when procrastination
and passive-aggressiveness wed. Further, if Frank waited until the
eleventh hour, and then produced a brilliant project, it would
heighten Frank's intellectual aura, thus reinforcing his brilliance
in the eyes of his co-workers, and in the eyes of Frank's boss' boss,
thus increasing the likelihood of a promotion (over his boss).
This is when ego needs wed procrastination.
Making all this conscious was not the biggest challenge in
Frank's case. Getting Frank to act on these new introjects was
even more difficult. While Frank was capable of great insight
(with minor prodding on my part), he was not willing to give up
his power, even though it was indirectly gained through
psychologically devious means. The trick was to get Frank to
admit he had more anger built up than he realized, and that not
dealing directly with the anger fueled avoidance, ambivalence,
conflict; i.e., procrastination.
So, Frank had to learn to be assertive and to put into words,
his feelings and ideas, and to do so directly. In this case,
Frank had to confront his boss about his ideas and projects and
general plans about running the project. Frank also had to accept
that the boss had more power in the organization and that Frank ran
the risk of losing his job in the by negatively flexing his ego
needs. Frank had to look at his tendency to passively aggress,
which it turns out, he learned from his family-of-origin (Dad did
this to Mom when Dad didn't get what he wanted or felt disrespected).
Frank, in truth, did have brilliant ideas, but did not have
organizational experience, hence was, in truth, incapable or really
"running the show." While he was a good "idea man," Frank was not
adept at managing people and would have floundered had he ventured
forth and formed his own company. Frank had to confront some
reality and abandon the infantile fantasies he otherwise entertained.
Once Frank worked out these intra-relationships aspects, he
settled down and was more cooperative (less passive-aggressive),
more organized (needed to stir up trouble less to prove his ability
deal with adversity) and more people friendly, respecting his
co-worker's needs as they completed projects "together" (no longer
needing to be the "stand out" in the company).
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
available on the author's website. Many people want real
life examples of this very difficult psychological state.
Here's one. But first, you might read the other articles
in this directory on this subject by this author. This
will give you, the reader, a better understanding of what's
below.
Frank D. is an executive famous for his brilliance and
equally famous for turning in projects at the last possible
moment. Waiting drives his colleagues nuts, but they put
up with him because of the high quality of his work. How
do we deal with this form of procrastination?
Remember, procrastination is a form of ambivalence, so
right away ask what is under the surface that is working
against the conscious wish-presumably to complete projects
on time. Here are some possibilities (theories). Frank
may resent being a subordinate to a boss with less mental
capabilities. Frank may need the challenge to stimulate
his high quality work. This is often the case in
individuals with ADHD. (They often work best "under fire"
and complete things best in "crisis mode.") Frank may have
a wrecked home life and to put energy into a work project may
tap already dwindling personal resources. Frank may have a
bet going with co-workers that he can complete another project
before finishing this one. There are lots of possible
dynamics that might explain Frank's procrastination.
The ambivalence is the conflict between what is outwardly
demanded of Frank and what is inwardly more important.
In this case, Frank's boss has one thing in mind, finishing
the project with some level of quality, and Frank has conflicts,
needing to do something else, wanting some other experience to
happen first, etc. From a psychological point of view, Frank's
needs and drives to maintain balance probably control his behavior.
He has conflicts, and to manage them, Frank must suppress, deny,
circumnavigate or even repress those things that vie for his
attention. Probably these "things" are pretty strong, so Frank
must work at keeping them at bay. This sets up the division
between what Frank is aware of and what he is not. The conflict,
being uncomfortable, causes Frank to avoid doing the project,
because the thought of actually working, elicits awareness of the
underlying conflict, which is uncomfortable. Therefore, Frank
avoids thinking about work and goes off to do something pleasurable,
thereby, reinforcing his avoidance (escape from pain is a reward).
Likely, Frank is using suppression.
To deal with this form of procrastination, Frank will have
to acknowledge the conflict, which means facing his underlying
thoughts, feelings and wishes. Someone will have to point out
to Frank, or perhaps in the heat of the approaching deadline,
Frank will have to point out to himself that he feels a certain
way, or has all these potential conflicts brewing. In my office,
it is the psychologist that usually has to do this the first few
times with a client, because usually they have learned to bury
parts of themselves and have reinforced that dynamic (avoidance
that temporarily relieves pain) over and over, so that now the
habit is automatic. They don't realize that procrastination has
cemented itself into their psyches and functions without their
being aware. As described above, suppression has become
repression. So, I point out the possible underlying conflicting
ambivalence based on their feelings and previous experiences,
needs and wants.
In Frank's case, it was the first dynamic that "gummed up"
the works. He is brilliant and his boss is "sort of" a smart guy.
So, Frank had some resentment doing his boss' bidding because,
in Frank's mind, it should be Frank calling the shots, not the boss.
Further, if Frank waited until the last minute, the boss would get
worried, which made Frank very happy. This is when procrastination
and passive-aggressiveness wed. Further, if Frank waited until the
eleventh hour, and then produced a brilliant project, it would
heighten Frank's intellectual aura, thus reinforcing his brilliance
in the eyes of his co-workers, and in the eyes of Frank's boss' boss,
thus increasing the likelihood of a promotion (over his boss).
This is when ego needs wed procrastination.
Making all this conscious was not the biggest challenge in
Frank's case. Getting Frank to act on these new introjects was
even more difficult. While Frank was capable of great insight
(with minor prodding on my part), he was not willing to give up
his power, even though it was indirectly gained through
psychologically devious means. The trick was to get Frank to
admit he had more anger built up than he realized, and that not
dealing directly with the anger fueled avoidance, ambivalence,
conflict; i.e., procrastination.
So, Frank had to learn to be assertive and to put into words,
his feelings and ideas, and to do so directly. In this case,
Frank had to confront his boss about his ideas and projects and
general plans about running the project. Frank also had to accept
that the boss had more power in the organization and that Frank ran
the risk of losing his job in the by negatively flexing his ego
needs. Frank had to look at his tendency to passively aggress,
which it turns out, he learned from his family-of-origin (Dad did
this to Mom when Dad didn't get what he wanted or felt disrespected).
Frank, in truth, did have brilliant ideas, but did not have
organizational experience, hence was, in truth, incapable or really
"running the show." While he was a good "idea man," Frank was not
adept at managing people and would have floundered had he ventured
forth and formed his own company. Frank had to confront some
reality and abandon the infantile fantasies he otherwise entertained.
Once Frank worked out these intra-relationships aspects, he
settled down and was more cooperative (less passive-aggressive),
more organized (needed to stir up trouble less to prove his ability
deal with adversity) and more people friendly, respecting his
co-worker's needs as they completed projects "together" (no longer
needing to be the "stand out" in the company).
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
Curing Procrastination
Curing Procrastination
While it is not a clinical syndrome; that is, a diagnosis found in a mental health manual, procrastination is still pernicious, psychologically. It can create mild symptoms or some that are chronic, even paralyzing. Regardless, procrastination is something that can be cured.
Procrastination is really a form of ambivalence. This is not widely recognized. Ambivalence is when part of you wants something and part of your doesn’t want that something. It doesn’t have to be two things that directly conflict. One of the "somethings" can be related to the other, just not the same, requiring a choice that is, at least partially, mutually exclusive. Ambivalence can be in awareness, partially in awareness or totally out of awareness. This doesn’t matter, because the subjective experience of it is uneasiness. It actually creates anxiety, but it is of the kind that is not usually associated with anxiety disorders, proper.
Procrastination happens when these conflicts occur in our lives and we don’t want to deal with them. For example, I’m supposed to clean my room but I want to go out to play. I’ll think about the former but want to do the later. The choices are about two things that are relatively mutually exclusive and sooner or later, I have to negotiate the choices. I have to pick one. Either one I pick will have consequences, and I know one of them will have unpleasant consequences.
I usually pick the more pleasant, self-serving behavior, which automatically means I’m putting off choosing the “other.” This appears to be procrastinating, because I’m not doing something, but in reality I’m avoiding a conflict. I am ambivalent, experiencing some level of anxiety and trying to get around the whole thing.
Like I said before, the things we procrastinate about can be big or little, in or out of awareness, and be short or longer term. Those are just the particulars, but the dynamic is the same in each case. We usually choose the more self-serving behavior in the service of either avoiding the conflict; that is, making it disappear from our awareness, or to just avoid the less pleasant of the two choices.
This latter dynamic is often a function of our impulsiveness. As can be seen, this quality has many manifestations, some of which are adaptive, like when we procrastinate in order to glean more information before acting on something. Some dynamics are maladaptive, like when we put off finishing a project for the boss, knowing the impact on our job security.
In order to solve procrastination, we have to penetrate the ambivalence. We have to “pull up” into awareness, the full import of our choices. But for most of us, to do that means we also have to do a little soul searching. You see, ambivalence doesn’t just occur in a vacuum. There are reasons we avoid certain things, other than they may or may not be more difficult to do than something else. Sometimes it’s about not wanting to express a feeling, such as anger. If someone asks you to do something and you feel slighted, it is unlikely you will comply with their request. So, you don’t, on the surface, which is about not dealing with your internal state, expressing yourself and later resolving ambivalence. The superficial behavior then looks like procrastinating, when in fact, its just about avoiding conflict (which is probably at the heart of ambivalence in most cases).
Questions can be directed to author, who is a clinical psychologist.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
While it is not a clinical syndrome; that is, a diagnosis found in a mental health manual, procrastination is still pernicious, psychologically. It can create mild symptoms or some that are chronic, even paralyzing. Regardless, procrastination is something that can be cured.
Procrastination is really a form of ambivalence. This is not widely recognized. Ambivalence is when part of you wants something and part of your doesn’t want that something. It doesn’t have to be two things that directly conflict. One of the "somethings" can be related to the other, just not the same, requiring a choice that is, at least partially, mutually exclusive. Ambivalence can be in awareness, partially in awareness or totally out of awareness. This doesn’t matter, because the subjective experience of it is uneasiness. It actually creates anxiety, but it is of the kind that is not usually associated with anxiety disorders, proper.
Procrastination happens when these conflicts occur in our lives and we don’t want to deal with them. For example, I’m supposed to clean my room but I want to go out to play. I’ll think about the former but want to do the later. The choices are about two things that are relatively mutually exclusive and sooner or later, I have to negotiate the choices. I have to pick one. Either one I pick will have consequences, and I know one of them will have unpleasant consequences.
I usually pick the more pleasant, self-serving behavior, which automatically means I’m putting off choosing the “other.” This appears to be procrastinating, because I’m not doing something, but in reality I’m avoiding a conflict. I am ambivalent, experiencing some level of anxiety and trying to get around the whole thing.
Like I said before, the things we procrastinate about can be big or little, in or out of awareness, and be short or longer term. Those are just the particulars, but the dynamic is the same in each case. We usually choose the more self-serving behavior in the service of either avoiding the conflict; that is, making it disappear from our awareness, or to just avoid the less pleasant of the two choices.
This latter dynamic is often a function of our impulsiveness. As can be seen, this quality has many manifestations, some of which are adaptive, like when we procrastinate in order to glean more information before acting on something. Some dynamics are maladaptive, like when we put off finishing a project for the boss, knowing the impact on our job security.
In order to solve procrastination, we have to penetrate the ambivalence. We have to “pull up” into awareness, the full import of our choices. But for most of us, to do that means we also have to do a little soul searching. You see, ambivalence doesn’t just occur in a vacuum. There are reasons we avoid certain things, other than they may or may not be more difficult to do than something else. Sometimes it’s about not wanting to express a feeling, such as anger. If someone asks you to do something and you feel slighted, it is unlikely you will comply with their request. So, you don’t, on the surface, which is about not dealing with your internal state, expressing yourself and later resolving ambivalence. The superficial behavior then looks like procrastinating, when in fact, its just about avoiding conflict (which is probably at the heart of ambivalence in most cases).
Questions can be directed to author, who is a clinical psychologist.
-Dr. Griggs
http://www.psychologyproductsandservices.com/page192.html
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